so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
