Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
