He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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