Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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