Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
