There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
