Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
