If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
