I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
