3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I said "one day" and that day is not today
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
