I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
