remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
