I think my fart just growled at me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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