You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
