Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
