Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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