Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
