Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
