Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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