Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
