Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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