Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
