help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
