My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
