need another drink. this is the easiest way
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
