I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
