if you like me you must not know who I am
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
