So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
