My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
