I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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