They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
