we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
