can u get pink eye on your cock?
you win again, gameday.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
