If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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