I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
