my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
