he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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