when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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