I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
