a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
