Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
