i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
