How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
