I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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