i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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