The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
