a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
