Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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