Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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