Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
