I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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