So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
