put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
