ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
