just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
