Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
