So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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