when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
