I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
