she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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