Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
