Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
