I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
