I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
