Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Randomize