i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
