Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
