why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
