maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I can text with my tongue
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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