420 ftw
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
