So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
