So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
