a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
